How to Talk to a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones…

Someone I follow on Twitter shared this a few moments ago;

HEADPHONES.png

What is contained in this piece of writing was, simultaneously, hilarious, incredible and terrifying.

Let’s break it down.

These days, many women walk around playing with a smartphone or tablet device and are often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time.

It may have escaped your notice chum(p) but walking around playing with a smartphone or tablet device while wearing headphones and listening to music isn’t something that only women are doing a lot…

In fact the accompanying photograph for this piece is this…

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A man wearing headphones which, I’m fairly sure, are connected to a smartphone or “tablet device” (why not just say iPad?) and which are probably being used for the purposes of listening to music.

Yet, it doesn’t always mean that you, or anyone else, can’t say hello to her.

Well…it actually does mean that.

She’s listening to music mate…probably for the explicit purpose of not having to talk to you.

Different if you know the woman of course, then you don’t need an article to explain to you the ways in which you can get over, under or around the barriers that a woman has put up to protect herself from an arsehole who thinks its his right to invade her personal space and time because he reckons he is only one “neg” away from climbing into bed with her.

If a woman wearing headphones is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend (or even a new lover), she will usually be happy to take off her headphones to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her.

Wow.

Here is a radical suggestion for you weirdo…if a woman is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend (or even a new lover) then she will probably be using a dating app, or looking into joining a club, or meeting new people at social events.  You know…like normal people.  When she has her headphones on she really isn’t looking for a “new lover”…she’s enjoying that new Lana Del Rey album.

Also…”new lover”.

I mean who talks like that?

“Lover”

It gives you the fear doesn’t it?

If a woman isn’t single, she will usually be nice and take off her headphones if a confident, normal guy comes up and says hello to her.

So if she doesn’t take off her headphones she isn’t nice?

Right.

Point of order…no “normal guy” is behaving like this.

Not a one.

“Normal” men see a woman with her headphones in and think…she probably doesn’t want to be bothered by me, I’ll leave her be.

Normal.

You, my friend, are not normal.

If the woman then tells the guy that she has a boyfriend or doesn’t want to talk to him, the conversation can end right there with a, “No problem. Have a nice day.”

I am 100% confident that any man reading this article who actually takes it seriously is not going to respond in that way to any woman who tells him she already has a boyfriend or doesn’t want to talk to him.

What will actually  happen is that he will call her “stuck up” or a “bitch” or a “lesbian” before making her feel genuinely afraid for her life…want to know why?  Because he’s not normal if he is acting on the advice in this piece, he’s very far from normal.

However, if she is single and the guy is a normal, confident, good guy, then a conversation will usually begin and there may be an opportunity for the two to connect and exchange phone numbers.

Again with the “normal”.

Methinks the laddie doth protest too much.

“An opportunity to connect”…that’s actually worse than “new lover”.

Who knows, they could be a perfect match and end up getting into a happy, loving relationship that lasts for life.

I knows.

They won’t.

Never gonna happen.

Never has happened.

Not once.

In recorded history.

Alternatively, they might not be a match and if that’s the case, there’s no problem.

There is a problem.

He’s interrupted that Lana Del Rey album and it really benefits from being heard in its entirety.

Plus he’s going to call her a “lesbian” the moment she says she doesn’t want to “connect” with him.

Because he’s not normal.

The guy can simply say, “Anyway, nice chatting to you. Have a great day” and leave the interaction.

Out of 100 men who acted on this advice…every single one of them threatened the woman who refused to “connect” with them.

100/100.

Guaranteed.

No harm done.

There is harm.

Done to the woman.

Because her day has been interrupted, disturbed, maybe ruined, by the guy who bothered her while she was out walking and listening to music and who then screamed that she was a “bitch” in her face when she said she already had a boyfriend.

In most cases, when a guy walks up to talk to a woman with headphones on, it’s usually a positive and friendly interaction that can lead to a new romance (e.g. they exchange numbers, add each other to social media or have a coffee and take it from there) or a, “Nice to meet you. Have a great day” as they part ways.

Nope.

In most cases, when a guy walks up to talk to a woman with headphones on, it’s usually a deeply unpleasant and bothersome interaction that can lead to a woman feeling uncomfortable (e.g she is called a “slut” by a stranger, he stalks her on social media and appears on her run route for a week and she calls the police) or a “FUCK YOU YOU WHORE WHY WEAR THOSE SHORTS IF YOU DON’T WANT MEN TO TALK TO YOU”

Gua-ran-tee-d.

To begin with, smile and say, in a confident, easy-going manner, “Hey, how’s it going?” to start a conversation with her.

Or leave her alone.

Just as an alternative suggestion.

Most women are polite and friendly and will take off their headphones to talk to you at that point, so just start talking and have a conversation with her.

If it is true that most women are polite and friendly and will take off their headphones to talk to you why would you use that as a means to disrupt their time and space?

That makes you a really unpleasant person.

Could I suggest…leave her alone?

Again.

For example:

Man: [Smile and say in a friendly, easy-going manner manner] Hey – how you doing? I was walking along and saw you with your little headphones on and thought – wow, she’s hot, I have to come over and say hi you. I’m Dan, what’s your name?

Nothing sinister about this.

I think I’ve misjudged this situation.

This is just good healthy advice for ordinary people.

Oh wait, I missed this bit first time around;

“…and thought WOW SHE’s HOT”

Bleurgh.

Who talks like that?

I’ll tell you who talks like that shall I?

People who see women as objects, things to be owned, used, controlled.

“WOW SHE’S HOT”

That’s code for “WOW!  I have no interest in you as a person but you meet my standard for how a woman should look and now I shall make you mine.”

Dick.

Woman:  Jessica.

Man: [Add in some light humor to get her smiling and create a spark between you] Jessica…let me guess. You were listening to heavy metal music, right?

Woman:  [Most likely laughing and saying] No, I was listening to [most likely latest pop music]

Poor Jessica.

You should have kept your headphones on.

I’m not victim blaming you Jessica…but next time, just keep your headphones on.

Or take out some pepper spray and empty it into this arseholes eyes.

What about the advice here…”Add in some light humour”!

Then the example of “light humour” that will “create a spark” is “You were listening to heavy metal music, right?”

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Stop it man.

You’re turning me on and I’m not even into other men.

Then, because she is a woman, her actual music taste will be “…the latest pop music”.

You know because…she’s a woman.

Poor women.

Unable to differentiate between good music and the latest pop music.

Not to worry though Jessica.

You are HOT so the fact that you don’t like the right music is of secondary importance to man.

Man:  Oh, that’s cool. You had me worried there. I thought you were like a heavy metal girl who likes head banging at concerts.

Woman: [Possibly smiling or laughing].

Man: [If you’re in a shopping mall or city street, you might let her know that you has something else to do besides talk to her, so she understands that you’re not going to stand there talking to her for 30 minutes] Anyway, I’m just out doing a bit of shopping at the moment. How about you?

Possibly smiling or laughing.

Jessica is not smiling or laughing at this point.

She is looking for help.

She is fucking terrified.

Man: Anyway, so it’s been good chatting to you, but I’d better get going and do my shopping. Would you like to talk again sometime?

Woman: Sure, that would be nice.

Man: Okay, cool. [Take out your phone]. What’s your number? I’ll give a call sometime to say hi.

“Cool” again.

Everything is cool with this guy.

Everything except him.

Because, and I may have mentioned this already, it is NOT cool to treat women like this.

Jessica is absolutely not going to say “Sure, that would be nice”.

She is going to say something like “Actually I am just about to move to Japan to start working as a nanny for a wealthy family.  And I’m Amish.  And I am only out on day release right now.”

Or she may just start screaming for help.

If I was Jessica I would be screaming for help.

If you are a man who is reading this and is thinking “I like the cut of this guy’s jib, I’m going to employ some of these “techniques” next time I am out and about.”

Don’t.

Just don’t.

Instead find a good therapist and start working through whatever it is that has led you to think and behave in this way.

You need help.

If you are a woman who is bothered by men like this…I’m really sorry.