Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds – Black Star Dancing

Black-Star-Dancing-FINAL-APPROVED

Dear Parka Monkeys,

I want you to know that everything is going to be alright.

Just stop for a second.

Breathe.

In through the nose.

Out through the mouth.

Sit down.

Take off your Cornish pastie shoes.

Out your feet flat on the ground.

Keep breathing.

Close your eyes.

Feel the tension in your body.

Locate it.

Now…breathe.

Breathe.

Feel the tension move down through your body.

Down past your hips.

Down past your thighs.

Down past your calfs.

On into your feet.

Feel it leave your body.

Don’t stop breathing.

Now listen to your heart.

Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum.

Be aware of you.

Listen to your soul.

Relax.

Go to your safe space.

You are in a Pretty Green discount store.

You have “Definitely Maybe” playing.

You are wearing your absolute bestest parka.

Maybe one of those daft hats.

You are doing your best Liam strut.

Hands behind your back.

Waddling like you’ve soiled yourself.

Everyone is looking at you.

You.

Are.

Cool.

Madferit.

Now, slowly open your eyes…

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

BLACK STAR DANCING IS STILL A THING.

Synths.

Disco beats.

The ghost of the Pet Shop Boys floating in the background.

“Black Cherry” era Goldfrapp popping over for tea and crumpets.

Strike a pose…a Gallagher song you can vogue to.

“Sweat” rhyming with “Ain’t done yet”.

“You make me shine” (not sheeeeeiiiiiine) “Like a black star dancing”.

A hair metal guitar solo.

Not only is “Black Star Dancing” a thing…

It’s a mesmerising, hypnotic, swirling, funk odyssey of a thing.

A certain type of person is already very upset by this.

They don’t like it.

In fact, they loathe it.

They can’t imagine how you can enjoy this after a few white lines.

That’s exactly why the rest of us love it.

This is hippy.

Trippy.

Sexy.

An anti-lad disco anthem…made by the one time King of the lads.

I can’t get enough.

It’s the only thing I’ve listened to since it dropped this morning.

It’s a confusing, provocative, middle-finger to people who want things to stay the same.

I genuinely didn’t believe that Gallagher senior had the bottle for something like this.

Last time he gave us scissors and this time he’s given us the Scissor Sisters.

Listen up, I love my guitars and I love a bit of rock and roll but man cannot live by bread alone…there’s more to life than your Beatles albums and Kasabian.

Not much more.

For some.

And if there isn’t then you don’t deserve something this magnificently ballsy.

It’s not a radical record.

It’s not pushing any boundaries.

If anything it is more backwards looking than any of his other records with all their glam, sixties, Beatles and Stones, thievery and hero worship.

But, crucially, this is at least an attempt to veer away from the things that have confined and constrained him…and that have brought him so much success.  If you can’t applaud and appreciate that then I’m not sure what you could.