Ab Initio

  1.  In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
  2. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
  3. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

(Genesis, Chapter 1, Verses 1-3.  King James Version.)

liam

  1.  And it came to pass that in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and sixty six and in the ninth month of that year an angel of the Lord did appear unto a woman in the city of Manchester.
  2. And it came to pass that the angel spake unto the woman whose name was Margaret and did say unto her; “Fear not Peggy for I bring you glad tidings of great joy.  The Lord hath chosen thee to bring forth two sons who shall be most pleasing unto Him and who shall bring great joy to His children.”
  3. And it came to pass that Peggy was sore afraid and was disconbobulated and didst speak unto the angel of the Lord and didst say these words unto him; “I think you might have the wrong person.  I’ve already got one son, Paul, he’s a lovely lad but I’m not sure about having any more kids to be honest with you.  It’s so exhausting.”
  4. And now the angel of the Lord did speak again unto Peggy with much firmness and did say unto her; “Peggy, the Lord does not make mistakes and verily, verily, I say unto you again that thou will bear two more sons and they shall be chosen above all the other sons of Manchester and will bring happiness, joy and salvation to the hearts of all those who will not only hear them but who will open up their minds, eyes and ears and truly listen to them.  Thus saith the Lord.”
  5. And then the heavens were filled with angelic hosts proclaiming; “Joy to the world!”
  6. And it came to pass that nine months later Peggy gave birth to the first of the two sons that had been prophesied by the angel and lo she did call him Noel.
  7. And it came to pass that five years later she did bring forth the second son that the angel had spoken of and she did call him William.
  8. Now, when many years had passed and her sons were grown Peggy was thrust into despair for, lo, it had not come to pass that her sons had brought great joy unto the world.
  9. Verily, verily, I say unto you that Noel was a roadie.
  10. Liam had found joy only in his own music and lo, it had come to pass, that nobody was interested in listening.
  11. “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken my sons?” cried Peggy unto the Lord.
  12. And it came to pass that the angel did return once more to speak unto Peggy.
  13. “Peggy, well done thou good and faithful servant, thou hast borne the trials of this life well and hath raised thy sons to be full of love for thee.  Lift up your heart Peggy for the time hath come for all the promises of the Lord to be fulfilled”
  14. And Peggy did find peace in her heart.
  15. And it was about this time that the elder of her two sons, yea, even the son Noel did find himself visited by an angel.  Yea, even the same angel which hadst visited his mother and the angel did appear unto Noel and didst speak these words unto him; “Blessed art thou Noel for the Lord hath chosen thee to bring His spirit, yea even the spirit of rock and also of roll unto his children at this time.  Verily, verily I say unto thee Noel that for too long now hath the world been in darkness but lo I also say unto thee that thou hast been called of the Lord to bring the light”
  16. Now when Noel heard these things he did fall to his knees and did say unto the angel of the Lord “D’yer mean it’s time for the Inspiral Carpets to hit the road again?  I could give Clint a shout, I’ve got his number here somewhere.”
  17. And it came to pass that when the angel did hear these words from Noel he spake unto him again saying “No Noel, I do not mean that it is time for the Inspiral Carpets to hit the road again.  Verily, verily I say unto thee that while they do indeed have many quality tunes and while it is also true that Clint is a top bloke it is not now time for them to fulfil the commands of the Lord.  Yea, verily, I say unto thee Noel that at this time in a dingy rehearsal room in the city of Manchester thine younger brother, yea even Liam, is making music with an band of musicians.  It is to this room that thou must go Noel and there wilt thou find thy destiny.”
  18. Noel wept.
  19. The words that the angel did speak unto Noel were true for at that time in the city of Manchester Liam was indeed making music with an group of musicians but lo I say unto thee that they were not much cop.
  20. After the angel of the Lord hath spake unto Noel he did appear unto Liam and did speak these words unto him; “Liam, youngest son of Peggy, blessed be thy name for it is thanks to thee that the prophesy given unto thine mother will be fulfilled.  Yea, because of the the righteous desires of thy heart to be an rock and roll star and because of the fire that doth burn within thy heart and even within thy soul the time has now come for thy destiny to be realised.
  21. Liam, hearing these words and being not afraid, did speak unto the angel and did say unto him “About time mate.  Let’s ‘ave it.”
  22. Behold it came to pass that Noel did find the place where Liam was and he didst open up his ears and did hear the music that was being made.
  23. Noel wept, again.
  24. And these are the words that Noel spake unto his brother at that time; “These songs are rubbish.  I’ll give you some of mine but I’m taking control of things”
  25. When Liam heard these words from his brother he was not filled with anger because he knew that the Lord works in mysterious ways and so he did humble himself and did sing the words which Noel gave unto him.
  26. And it came to pass that within a few short weeks that Liam and Noel were convinced of the truthfulness of the things that the angel of the Lord had revealed unto them.
  27. And it came to pass that at about the same time in the city of London which is filled with many wicked and abominable people there lived a man called Alan.
  28. Alan was an man who had travelled to London from a land far, far away.  Yea, he was an Scottish man and he was found to have red hair atop his head and within his head were many strange dreams.
  29. And it was said of Alan that he was mad.
  30. And it came to pass that the angel of the Lord did visit Alan and did speak these words unto him; “Alan, son of East Kilbride, chaser of dreams be of glad heart for the time has come to prove to the world that the dreams we have as children can indeed come to pass.  Verily, verily I say unto thee Alan that thou shouldst return unto the land of the thy fathers and visit the Wah Wah Hut of King Tut.  There thou shalt find two boys, yea verily thou shall find the one called Noel and the other called Liam.  Open thine ears Alan for they are the fulfilment of all thy dreams and will bring light into the darkness and will save this nations youth and thou Alan will guide them.”
  31. And so it came to pass that Alan found himself in the Wah Wah Hut of King Tut.
  32. And Alan was sore afraid because many times before he felt that he had found the ones who would save rock and even save roll.
  33. Yea, Alan had invested his time and his money in many a false prophet.
  34. On this night and in that place a miracle was witnessed by all who were in attendance.
  35. Verily, verily I say unto all those who do read these words that a mighty change of heart was experienced by all who did witness the happenings of that night.
  36. Many who were there gathered had given up on rock and roll.
  37. Yea, many felt that the darkness which had engulfed the land would never be lifted.
  38. The hearts of many of the nations youth had been turned to a false prophet, even the one that was called Kurt.  Some had even begun to believe that the ones they called grunge were musicians and that the words they spake held meaning.
  39. And it came to pass that on this night in the city of Glasgow all those who were present had the scales lifted from their eyes, had their ears cleared of the gunge of grunge and did have their hearts lifted.
  40. As Liam and Noel finished singing the songs of their hearts the angel of the Lord did appear once more unto all those who were there and did speak these words unto them; “Hallelujah.  Praise be.  Lift up thine hearts.  Rejoice.  Be of good cheer.  Glad tidings I bring to you this night.  Yea, verily, verily I say unto thee that thou hast borne witness to the birth of the Saviours of rock and roll.  From this day forward thou shalt act as witnesses to their calling, go forth to thine friends, to thine families and even unto the strangers in the street and testify of the things that thou hast seen and heard in this place.  Lift up your voices and praise the name of the band before thee.”
  41. And it came to pass that one amongst the elect their gathered did lift up his voice and did say unto the angel of the Lord; “That all sounds good big man but whit should we call these guys fae Manchester?  Aye, it’s true that they are brand new and that but ah dinnae ken whit they’re called.  Gonnae help us oot?”
  42. The angel of the Lord did look upon this son of Glasgow and did say “Blessed are the poor, blessed are the meek, blessed are the humble and blessed art thou o son of Glasgow for thy question is an good one.  Verily, verily I say unto thee that the name by which this band shall be known shall be even Oasis.”
  43. Here endeth the lesson.

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